I Appreciate Your Voice

In High School, no-one would have said this about me. I was quiet, mousey, and tried to avoid talking. When I first started High School, my voice was different, I had a Scottish accent, with hints of my British roots mixed in. I was scared of my voice. I was scared for people to hear it. Today, however, I do not shy from my voice. My accent may have changed, its tone, its inflection, but it is my voice.

In the Book of Matthew, Chapter 28, we read of the resurrection of Jesus. The first people to encounter Jesus were women; Mary, the mother of Jesus and Mary Magdalene. In the Message translation of Matthew 28:8-9, the Scripture says:

The women, deep in wonder and full of joy, lost no time in leaving the tomb. They ran to tell the disciples. Then Jesus met them, stopping them in their tracks. “Good morning!” he said. They fell to their knees, embraced his feet, and worshiped him. 

“Deep in wonder and full of joy”

I cannot move on from those words. On Sunday mornings, I help to lead 3 worship services. This past Sunday in particular, there was a tickle in the back of my throat. I was drinking tea and honey, I managed to find the last cough drop in the building and I was saving my voice as much as I could. Naturally, it was also the day that my head-mic and I were not getting along.

It appeared that God was working in spite of my failing voice.

After each service, one or two people would mention to me how they were impressed with the projection of my voice. They commented on how I could fill a space, how I held my own.

“Deep in wonder and full of joy”

That’s how I felt when I received an email from a colleague over the weekend that said “Preach. They need your voice. Promise”.

After our last worship service, someone told me how much they enjoyed and needed to see not only a woman in the pulpit, but a young woman.

For so long, not only have I struggled to assert myself as a woman called by God to share the message of grace, hope and love with those on the fringes, the marginalized, those we have deemed as “other”. I have struggled with my voice. I have struggled to be confident, to be assertive. I have struggled to live in to who God has and is calling me to be.

Deep in wonder and full of joy.

I could not say it any better myself. I am thankful for the Gospel writers, for their ways of describing emotions and moments that transcend time. I am thankful for the women in my life, for the ones that have gone before me for paving the way and for their encouragement. I am thankful to be in a place where people affirm and remind me of who God is calling me to be.

I am deep in wonder, and full of joy.

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